Jul 13, 2014

Pondering’s

I have found that the person I have the most difficulty forgiving is —–myself. I work hard to understand that everyone else is human, who try their best but often fail to achieve their possible best, often because of lack of effort, giving up too soon, and many other personal failings, but that was the best they could do at that moment.

Except myself. I too often hold myself up to impossible standards, demanding that I be unlike anyone else in the world; that is: Perfect! I can not make mistakes, I can not do something because I failed to make sufficient effort, or, Heaven forbid, I had the wrong idea what was needed, if anything was needed at all.

And I could not let that go. My failure stood out in my mind, even if no one else minded or cared. I knew! That was enough to send me into a funk and depression. Sometimes this would lead me back to repeat the failure time and again, until someone finally did see and say something, apparently satisfying some need in me to get chastised over the situation. Strange internal requirements and need, all because I could not forgive myself and just move on.

What I have come to realize that I am dealing with my Shadow. The Shadow is the dark side of ourself, that part that puts the relative into our lives. Only by dealing with the Shadow side of ourselves can we become truly who we are, knowing the dualistic nature of our lives. We are all living a dualistic life, the relative, having the good and the bad as part of our dualistic nature. Karl Jung understood that so well, and introduced to us the nature of the Shadow that is in all of us. Only by facing our Shadow, and accepting it as part of our created being, can we truly rise above that part of our nature and become Who We Were Meant To Be. By repressing and rejecting our Shadow, we become less than we are, refusing to see that dualism is part of the human condition, and only by accepting and working though our negative side of our being, can we overcome the ego that demands we be something else, superior to all others, grander than all others, in a class above all humanity.

That is the root cause of the failure to forgive ourselves. Our Shadow can be suppressed, can be hidden, but at a cost of destroying the purpose of our existence. Our personal demons, those hidden thoughts and desires that we suppress and hide, they form the conduit through which God speaks to us, whispers to us, and teaches us to learn to forgive others and accept others with their personal demons and frailties that make us all human. We have to learn to accept who we really are, whose hidden whispering are not from the devil, but from God who is prodding us to something higher, to be at a level where Good is expressed as a known opposite of Evil that stares us in the face within ourselves.

These are the reasons why forgiving ourselves, or to put it in a better light, accepting ourselves for who we are, bright and dark at the same time, is the purpose of Life in this plane of existence. Only by accepting the Dark in us can we let the Light shine on the Dark. When we do, we find that the Dark is really the Light in another form, and forms the measuring stick by which we know by experience what is Good and what is Not Good.

The shadow is the opposite side of the possibilities in life. The Shadow is the negative side of humanity. When we speak in anger, it is the Shadow speaking. When we neglect someone who needs us, family, friend, or stranger, it is the Shadow speaking. When we see the anger for what it is and we put anger aside and speak with honesty and truthfulness, we have moved for that moment beyond the Shadow, then the Shadow diminishes. When we reach out to someone, the Shadow diminishes.

We live in a world of opposites, where everything is compared, consciously or unconsciously, with something else and judged accordingly. Are we short or tall? How do we know? We look around and see how many are shorter than us and how many are taller than us, and we judge accordingly. I am six feet tall, taller than most. How do I know? I judge by what my senses tell me, I can see over allmost all in a crowd. Is something Hot or Cold? Only by having experienced what is hot or cold do I know. We live in this dualistic world where we are always placing things relative to one another.

So it is with our actions. Are we doing good or evil? Only if we understand what is good and what is evil do we know. Our shadow is that part of us that is telling us what is evil, allowing us to frame our actions accordingly. When I find that I can not forgive myself, I am letting the Shadow side of me, the dark side of me, win, and I lose. I tell myself I am evil, and the Shadow wins, and I lose. I refuse to accept that I have negative sides of my personality, that I get angry too often and justify my anger, the Shadow wins, and I lose. When I accept who I am, apologize if required, take a breath and start over, the Shadow loses, and I become more who I am, and I win.

Acceptance of my Shadow as a critical part of me, as not being negative but God speaking through me to become more who I was created to be, to actively grow and step outward, to accept and understand that each of us have our Shadow, that permits me to accept others as they are, moving, with me, to become more than we were I grow in God, my Eternal Wisdom. What is a better framework to understand life as it moves us forward, day by day.

Meditation

My Eternal Wisdom, I ask for the courage to face myself squarely as I am. I ask for help in accepting my Shadow as a gift from You, my Blessing. Continue to help me to see my Shadow is part of the essence of Who I Am, and forms the frame within I can see the Eternal Love that is my internal essence. Help me to understand that I am made in the Image and Likeness of You, my Truth and my God. Only be accepting the dark side of my being do I understand that God, my Eternal Wisdom, fills my being and then I start to understand the Good that You and I are. I am grateful for all that you have gifted in my life, both the wondrous Love that fills me and the Evil that permits me to see and understand that Love in contrast to the dark, for I understand that without that dark side I would not know the good that fills me.